I was busy

me,too!

Abbie's Tree House

“I lied and said I was busy. I was busy, but not in a way most people understand. I was busy taking deep breaths. I was busy silencing irrational thoughts. I was busy calming a racing heart. I was busy telling myself I am okay. Sometimes this is my busy, and I will not apologize for it.” ~Brittin Oakman

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Going for a walk with my Husband

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This past weekend my husband, Thomas and I went for a nice afternoon stroll in our neighborhood.

Any time with my husband has always been precious to me, but even moreso now. We have been doing home dialysis as a team for several months now, and our time is more limited, but precious all the same.

As the sun warmed us , we held hands and went exploring. There is some street work going on in our neighborhood, so some areas are blocked off to through traffic. It makes it kind of fun to walk around and see what is being done.

There were two deep holes in one street where they are replacing old storm drains. It’s really amazing to be able to see underneath our street. I had no idea it was so deep!

I wanted to get right in those holes, but (so far) my husband has stopped me…

Fall is amazing. I have learned to love all seasons. Without one, we couldn’t enjoy the others.

they can be babies forever

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My husband, Thomas and I have had cats together for the entire duration of our relationship since before we were even married. We both love them very much~~ all animals are welcome!

Our latest furry additions are a couple of years old now…Links and Lori. They were brought into our family on the same day, in the same little carrier, and have bonded from Day 1. It is such a delight to see them frolic and snuggle and just be happy.

Cats have always been such a loving comfort to me. But they really are especially a joy to have in our world right now with so many conflicts and scares and stresses.

TRINI LOPEZ

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I DID NOT WANT TO WRITE THIS POST…BUT… I NEEDED TO.

 

My parents had a very eclectic music collection while I was growing up.  Anything from Jack Jones, Little Richard to Kenny Rogers.

Both of my parents are gone now, and I have acquired several of their classic  records and treasure them deeply.

One of those artists is Trini Lopez. H e had such an amazing, deep, glorious voice.  My favorite album of his is THE SINGALONG WORLD OF TRINI LOPEZ, which includes one of my favorite songs, YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE.

It was that particular album, in my childhood, that I would just lie on my bed with its cover resting on my chest, eyes closed, and just breathe and disappear into relaxation.

i am now 57 and I still seek out THAT PEACEFULNESS while listening to music. It still is my go-to for letting go of stress.

my darling husband,Thomas, did an amazing thing for my 50th birthday. he wrote Trini Lopez and asked him for an autographed picture for me.   I t was one of the most thoughtful, sweetest gifts I have EVER received!!

Trini Lopez died of COVID recently.  It was not big news in the U.S., but it was big news to me.TriniLopez

lop L

Murals of Greyscale

This is truly inspirational!!

Abbie's Tree House

A Good Day
by Kait Rokowski (website)

Yesterday, I spent 60 dollars on groceries,
took the bus home,
carried both bags with two good arms back to my studio apartment
and cooked myself dinner.
You and I may have different definitions of a good day.
This week, I paid my rent and my credit card bill,
worked 60 hours between my two jobs,
only saw the sun on my cigarette breaks
and slept like a rock.
Flossed in the morning,
locked my door,
and remembered to buy eggs.
My mother is proud of me.
It is not the kind of pride she brags about at the golf course.
She doesn’t combat topics like, ”My daughter got into Yale”
with, ”Oh yeah, my daughter remembered to buy eggs”
But she is proud.
See, she remembers what came before this.
The weeks where I forgot how to use my muscles,

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YOU DON’T KNOW HOW IT FEELS…

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as I write, my typing is with just my right hand. i am doing my home dialysis treatment.

there are days i am sort of ok…and nights like tonight where reality isnt where i want to live.

i have no doubt that everyone has had days like this. and if you think you are immune to the blues, well, give it time

with the world in its current pandemic bubble, we all live in fear of losing our loved ones, losing our jobs, losing ourselves.

one of the hardest and saddest things for me to cope with, is bringing my husband, Tom, into this time consuming, crappy dialysis world of needles, blood, grief, mood swings and energy drops.

he has been nothing but a saint through these months of hell.  but as many of you know in life…and i am sure you have thought it about yourself…like tom petty aptly sang..YOU DONT KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE ME

it is so hard for me to say   i feel like a burden, a heartbreaker a robot who wonders why is this one disease that you are hooked to this machine until a transplant or fuck you….forever

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And it stoned me, to my soul…

I love this! I want to walk through a rainbow!!

Abbie's Tree House

The Rainbow
by Millen Brand
Excerpted from Local Lives: Poems About the Pennsylvania Dutch, ©1975

Herbert Berky tells this story:
When he was a boy, he used to work
in two hill fields Josephus Gerhard
had given his father.
“You went up a lane that started
between the Borneman place and Uncle John’s,
and made a left turn past a tenant house,
and then up past Mommy Stauffer’s.”
She was married
to his great-uncle Andros
and “there were some special springs there
and we always stopped to have a drink.”
Beyond Mommy’s were the two fields.
One day he was working “in the onion patch,”
when in a nearby field
down the hill slope at an angle
a neighbor named Stengel
came plowing with a two-horse plow.
Just then a shower
traveled lightly over the valley
and there was “a most beautiful bow.
I had always thought bows were…

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