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Abbie's Tree House

“For what it’s worth:   it’s never too late or, in my case, too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”  ~Eric Roth,  in the film adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s (to whom this quote is often falsely attributed) The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

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Sammy

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This is not a post I was expecting to write anytime soon. My heart is just numb. Our 16 year old boy cat, Sammy, died today of kidney failure. I know there were “signs” of decline in the past few months. He didn’t jump on the bed, full of excitement and energy the second the alarm clock went of, reminding us it was time for his breakfast.

He always loved to nap, but lately naps even took precedence over meal time. The gold in his eyes would not follow me ; At first I thought he was going blind. It wouldn’t matter. No matter his ailment, my husband Tom or I would gladly carry him anywhere his purring heart needed to be.

All we would have to do is barely say his name, and the purr would rev up. Petting him would instigate a “purr within a purr.” He liked to lick my nose, bump heads with me and strategically place a paw or two upon my forehead, giving me a “blessing.” People seem to think cats don’t give a damn about anything but themselves. Not true of our Sammy.  He instinctly just KNEW when  I was hurting-physically or emotionally and would not leave my side.

He loved to sleep almost on top of my head, pretty much taking over my pillow. His purr put me in a restful, dreamy sleep for most of the past 16 years.

I found him at the local animal shelter 16 years ago. I just wanted a cat who would want to just sit in my lap. Sammy got into my lap that day and basically let me hold onto him for his entire life. If I would cry, his little face would burrow into mine, letting the tears melt into him.

I know I will feel quite lost without Sammy for a long, long, long time. The deeper you love and let your heart be open, the harder loss is going to be. When I was in my 20s and early 30s, I told myself I have a steel wall around my heart and I won’t allow anyone or anything to penetrate and hurt me. But it may be the hardest thing to do–live through grief–but I know I would not trade love for anything.